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How do we know our Inner Child exists?

Before beginning a workshop, people ask me:
“How do I know my inner child exists?”
“What if she’s not real, or won’t show up?”
“It works for others, but maybe mine’s not real, or won’t work for me.”

In the beginning it can sound strange, feel awkward or weird to realise that there’s a part of us inside that we’ve disconnected from, or not realised who she is, how she reveals herself and plays out in our life. I’ll be the first to say, absolutely, be skeptical, check it out for yourself!

The Primary Archetype

The Inner Child is our primary archetype; the first part of Self that begins to develop in childhood. Although emotional intelligence is not fully formed until later on in adolescence the Inner Child communicates in distinct ways; non-verbal, verbal, behavioural patterns and habits that form as a result of our conditioning.

Conditioning is a natural part of being human in modern day society. You can breathe a sigh of relief that conditioning is only a representation of who you are and in the same breath it’s also something you can change, overcome and relearn ways of aligning with your true nature and highest good. Conditioning is made up of the culture, family, traditions, society and beliefs we are born into. When we pause to ask ourselves why we believe what we believe, we can often trace them back to one of these elements. Curiously this is where the realisation that it’s not ‘me’ comes in. They are an amalgamation of our unique personal life experiences and circumstances.

The Inner Child has one agenda: to get her needs met. We all have basic needs that need fulfilling and whenever one, or multiple needs were not met, in the way we needed them to be, coping mechanisms form as a result. These are our conditioned responses (emotions, behaviours, patterns, habits) that are most often unconscious; so without awareness of them we weren’t in a position to do anything about it.
Ah-ha! Now you know!
These coping mechanisms are defenses that were necessary to create in order to avoid pain, suffering, rejection, abandonment and other wounds.

Inside all of us is a wounded child waiting for us to show up for them, to reconnect and support them in getting their needs met. As a parent would for their child.

How the Inner Child shows up in our lives

The Inner Child is real; she holds the key to healing trauma, releasing pain, suffering, emotions, behavioural patterns that, even though many are unconscious, we witness them repeatedly playing out in our life. The Inner Child acts out, plays up when she is out of balance and harmony, needing her needs met, which show up in our lives as emotional reactions and behavioural responses that come from a place of wounding, rather than empowered choice.
What does this look like?

By forming a relationship, together, you can both be liberated from these elements that no longer serve you in your life. Self awareness reveals the depth to which we are able to identify and recognise our responses and reactions.

The inner child is also quite the chameleon. An expert in disguise, hiding and holding onto emotional pain and trauma and learned behaviours. Of course! How else was she able to survive?

The biggest gift we can give ourselves is self empowerment; to heal the wounds of our inner child, through conscious reparenting.

Now we know that our inner child is there, waiting for us to connect and provide her with what she needs, the rest will unfold and flow. It does require action on your part; an open, willing heart and trust that you are the best person to take care of her.

Next month, the dialogue will continue in the realm of reparenting; what it is and how you can reparent your inner child.

If you’d like to talk more about your inner child and discuss the workshop (one-to-one), please reach out, I’d love to hear from you and connect.


Amy is dedicated to integration consultancy; founder of the Inner Council Workshop Series, an elaboration on Inner Child Work, and co-creator of an online women’s circle, which has blossomed into a truly sacred space where women are invited to share vulnerability, to be seen and heard in all aspects of themselves. Primarily working with the Inner Child archetype, Amy provides one to one and group workshops online, discussing theory, leading guided meditations and exercises, holding space to connect, explore and heal with your inner child.

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